Punishment and the fear of failure

When my kitten and I first embarked on our first D/s relationship, one thing we encountered was that she was afraid of making an error and as such, behaved out of fear. One thing that should be established early on in the relationship is communication. There needs to an open channel between people so that everyone knows where they stand at all times. Because, you know, when people are exploring, there’s two different mindsets to that exploration and when it comes to Dominance or submission, there’s a dance there of minds that needs to come together in unison to create harmony.
So let me address failure in two different sections here, the first being from a Dominant perspective.
I think when starting off with a submissive that is new to the lifestyle and sensations, there needs to be room for error. 

What I did, and I realise this is just me, was allow room for error but with a gentle reminder. Which was followed with me asking, out of curiosity, if we were on the same page, if we understood the error and that she accepted it and trusted me to think it fair.

I think there needs to be an understanding of the training process and the ability to accept that there can be fault on both sides but especially within yourself.
For the submissive, I would encourage you to speak your mind every step of the way. Challenge your Dominant, they might appreciate the enquiry and they might even want you to be vocal, withdrawing their right to punish in order to learn and to adjust if need be.
There is no point in living in that dread and fear in what is your relationship. A little fear, perhaps, is healthy because that’s part of our brain chemistry and it’s there to protect us but if it’s anxiety inducing, I would sit down and be completely open about what it is you’re afraid of, even if it’s rambling.
If this Dominant is worth a damn, they’ll listen and take on board your feelings for the future.
This is all for now, I’m going to enjoy a post birthday evening. Should you wish to discuss more about this, I’m here in email or comments!


6 thoughts on “Punishment and the fear of failure

  1. Sir,
    This was something that was never really brought up, but in hindsight was always there. Master and i always talked. He always encouraged my research and questions and even now, six years later as He pushes me into something that is uncomfortable and new He is patient loving and kind as i adapt to the new challenges. He knows i will overcome them and succeed. There isn’t a fear of failure per se, but rather the discomfort of the new terminology and new challenges. Thank You for the guidance You provide others.

    Liked by 1 person

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