The Complexity of my Dominant self

I wanted to talk about something a little personal to me. Personal because it sheds light on my mentality and personality and some days I’m not entirely happy or proud to be…well, me.
Is it narcissistic to title this post The Complexity of my Dominant self? Because I’m going to – and because it feels accurate. 
I would do anything for my kitty, my baby girl, my girlfriend, my lady. Any. Fucking. Thing.

There was a point where I realised the depth to which I meant that you know? If she’s sick, take care of her. If she can’t be kitten and has to be [name retracted]* then that’s fine – because sometimes, you just want to be yourself. And that’s fine. The other aspects of your personality are waiting in the wings. 
But in this moment where I realised, it was staggering the things that came to me that I would do in a heartbeat.

The other day she asked to see an animated movie in the cinema, which I agreed to without question. Fuck getting old, I’m a Disney fan. The Americans reading can know I’m young at heart, and that I found the Snow White ride at Disneyland terrifying**. Ride it and see for yourself.
Another aspect of my personality, my Dominant side, is a quick temper. I’m not a violent person, I’ve never ever been physically violent towards anyone. The only fight I was in ever was when I was 8 and it was over a woman. I remember coming home with a black eye. 
In my later years (I’m 28! Ha!) my temper has subsided and comes out during severe bouts of anxiety. If I lash out at anyone, I’m usually the first to admit it and will carry it for days feeling like shit.
I raise this because I don’t know to what extent it is in my Dominant personality. It might mean kitten has less of a chance to misbehave but I can assure you, I am careful to measure my punishments and never abuse my position. She’s always the first to challenge me if she wants to anyway. But that comes at a risk.
She’s cooled me, put it this way. 

When I was in an unhappy relationship, I was angry. My unfulfilled beast came out in my every day life and I was a bit emotional. 
Now that I’m in a fulfilling role 24/7, I’m okay. And more importantly, I’m me. I’m free to explore what makes up my mind, be it the Daddy, the Master or what have you.
I don’t know if the anger comes with the territory or if it’s a personal aspect is what I’m saying. Some of you might call me tortured, which might make a walking cliche – seeing as though, I’m dark, brooding, thousand yard stare type dude. Or so I’ve been told. 
This post comes down to the age old discussion – nature vs nurture. Which can go on for days. And it’ll be here long after I’m gone. 
In any case, I’m me. 
*That’s a bit of humour for you.

**The journey through the haunted forest with evil trees would seriously scare kiddies. 

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26 thoughts on “The Complexity of my Dominant self

  1. Hello I’m a big fan. I love reading your posts they are amazing. I love reading about you and any stories you make. And the poems you post are beautiful. You’re very funny and very intriguing. And I’m always happy to read one of your post. Keep up the good work please!

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    1. Hi there! Thanks so very much! You’re very sweet! I’m really glad you’re connecting with what I write. I just read your ‘teen sexuality’ post and am glad to see you writing about your nature. Keep writing. You might learn something new about yourself.

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  2. I haven’t finished reading this yet, because I am stuck on the fact that at least for the next 48 hours we are the same age. However, I tend to believe that being in… dare I say ‘serious’ D/s relationships mature a person. Back to my reading.

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      1. It was quite surprising. There are a lot of blogs to end up finding an awesome author that is the same age.
        I’ve been dwelling on it. Next year when it comes around I will no longer be twenty-something. It doesn’t help that my mother has been teasing me that it is all downhill after 29.

        Thank you. I am looking forward to celebrating. Really I am looking forward to what Sir will do with me. It is always a surprise.

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      2. I guess that depends on how active your mind is when it comes to imagery. I was just going to say I’m looking forward to kitty coming home and getting out of her work clothes and to me, she’s totally scorching.

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      3. Well more so, I like to keep the comment section relatively innocent. I’m more than happy to discuss my dark obsession with my loved one behind closed doors. Within reason, of course.

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      4. All kidding aside I completely understand šŸ™‚ There are boundaries to everything. Hence the need for private messages, chat rooms, and emails.

        Do private chat rooms still exist?

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  3. On the age old question. I believe that there is no true nature vs. nurture. I don’t understand why it can’t be both. Do I believe nurture has a lot more impact than nature? Yes.

    However, in my classroom daily, I see students that I fight to save. Not from their nature, but from their nurture. Then there is always my outlier, usually one or two in each of my class periods that defy the nurture. I don’t have to fight to save them, because they don’t fight me. Now, to keep this from turning into an entire rant on education on the socioeconomic realities of learning. I will get back on topic.

    It is my belief that Dominance and Submission at their cores are on opposite sides of the same coin. When we are fulfilled in our roles, it impacts every aspect of our world. Whether it be to intensify some aspects of your personality or relax them.

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