Sometimes I wonder

Sometimes I wonder if I’m just strange. If all along I’ve been too forward in my teachings and outspoken behaviour that it alienates people. People will tell me it’s good to go against the grain, to be yourself. But sometimes I wonder if being yourself is just a prelude to failure.
I always felt that being open, forward in my BDSM lifestyle is the way to go. I’ve been suppressing it so long that it felt right to be loud and proud. But won’t that turn away people because they mistake it for over confident, cocky and too loud? 
People always told me – my mother, my grandparents, my great uncles – to be yourself. And people will like you. And I have been. I’ve been honest and forthright in the hopes that I help others but sometimes when I’m alone and anxiety is like a witch whispering in my ear, I wonder if I was destined to be wrong. That no matter what I said, I would always be that asshole. No matter how hard I tried to push others to be happy – not forcefully, but enough that they are inspired to break the shackles, – I would always be an ass. 
I don’t know, ladies and gents, what I came here to say. I guess I’m wondering if I’ve been approaching things wrong.

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13 thoughts on “Sometimes I wonder

  1. As someone who you have spoken to regularly, lately, let me say:
    You are not pushy, or rude.
    The things that you have expressed to me about letting myself go, living the way that I feel I should, and being free have done nothing but bring a smile to my face.
    And you’ve never seemed out of line to me.
    But not everyone is open-minded, and that will ultimately be their demise, not yours! Trust your instincts, be the true you… because to me, the true you has been a true encouragement to me!
    ~skyyness

    Liked by 2 people

  2. In writing, you come across as the durst thing from asshole, Sir. Not everyone will “get you” – those aren’t your people. Be happy with your tribe. You have much to offer those with ears to hear.

    I think you’re wonderful. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t know you, but from my own journey I can offer this: the people that you feel are alienated, those are not ‘your’ people. They would not offer any enrichment to your life or lifestyle. So don’t sweat it. It’s not being disrespectful or being an ass, its nature taking care of ridding your life of unnecessary drama.
    Continue to be yourself, and in doing so you will magnetize those to you that are meant to be there. It’s a slow process, but it works. Hang in there!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Well. Im taking it one day at a time. My husband can not be dominated.. Lost cause. But in the future I plan to try with another female. I know that being a Dome’ isn’t all about sex ( unless you want it to be) it’s controll.. It’s primal.. It’s so many things that I want to do.. But I also have to learn. Lol.

        Like

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