The BDSM Mentor

What is the BDSM Mentor?

It’s not your Dominant. It’s not your submissive. In fact, it’s not sexual in any way. I suppose it could be in unique circumstances but for the sake of this article right here, it’s not. No, it’s not sexual in any way.

First and foremost, a mentor is a friend. Somebody to be there for you in a comfortable environment. To hear your thoughts, to give you time to speak and work through your own thoughts and when you are having difficulty, to help you. To guide you.

So to that end, you have to find a mentor that shares your ideas and beliefs because you have to find a friend that will teach you and guide you in what you want to know. There’s no point having any difference in that, is there?

For example, my methods of teaching are this: I talk a lot about etiquette and psychology. Anything else would be shoving my beliefs down the subject’s throat. Were I mentoring someone, my belief is that I listen to what they want for their own identity and offer my advice, which they can choose to take on board or not.

Can a Dominant only mentor a Dominant? Can a submissive only mentor a submissive? I feel like you’ll get a different answer for every different person. I suppose in some ways it’s true that a Dominant has things to say that a submissive could not explain, just like a submissive can have things to say that a Dominant could not explain.

But that’s not to say either person can’t offer advice, that they still can’t be a mentor to you. That’s my belief but people are different.

Take a recent event for example: I decided, what the hell, I’ll put up my services to be a friendly ear/mentor on Fetlife. My little post got taken down. Why? Well, good question. I think because maybe I offered it to both Dominants and submissives, maybe the owner wrongly interpreted it as a booty call when all I was doing was offering help. It angered me because I know people are out there that need guidance…

…but again – can a Dominant only mentor a Dominant?

I’ll end this discussion with a bit of a story. Because stories are fun, aren’t they?
Recently, I put up a piece of my own erotica on Fetlife and I got a like. Now, I usually message people after that, just saying thank you very much because it’s still rather lovely to me. Usually I don’t get a response and that’s fine, I just wanted to thank them. I’m not expecting anything.
Well, this one submissive person actually messaged me back after that and said

Screen Shot 2015-12-02 at 3.43.59 pm

I was moved to tears then and I still am now. To think that people that come to me and my advice gives them strength? It touches me in ways I can’t even describe. But it’s through an encounter, a random encounter by the way, seemingly destiny, that says to me that it’s possible for a Dominant to mentor a submissive just like it could be possible for a submissive to mentor a Dominant.

After all, I wouldn’t be the Dominant man I am today if it weren’t for all the submissive ladies of my past that taught me a thing or two about myself.

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8 thoughts on “The BDSM Mentor

  1. You write eloquently and I can only express envy for subs that experience such in their own lives. My own Master of course is wonderful to me and the love of my life. But to speak as you write is beautiful.
    ~maeve~

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  2. It is lovely to receive that kind of feedback, it helps to know you’re efforts are appreciated.

    I believe either type can gain from mentorship. A Dominant outside the relationship can offer advise so that the submissive feels comfort from another that her Dominant is training her correctly, reduce doubts on her pert, etc.

    Likewise, a Dominant can always learn from other Dominants and keep them on track to higher understanding of their craft and their gifts.

    Sad that your offer was rebuffed. But glad you had someone appreciate you as well.

    I enjoy your posts here. I think you have a need to help and be needed. Not only subs have the need to serve. I think Service Doms offer a lovely thing to the community and the subs willing to listen.

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  3. My experience with a mentor was, in certain ways, very different..but you also know that my background in BDSM is much more formal/structured and very community based. For me, my mentor was my teacher. He was a Dominant who taught this submissive the ropes, from slave positions to which Dominants in the local community were safe beginning play partners for me.. He introduced me to different types of play, allowing me to figure out some of my hard and soft limits as well as my initial reaction to pain. He was and is, first and foremost, a teacher and a friend.. and is still in my life even though the mentorship has long since ended. I’ve been asked by submissives in my local community to mentor them in the past.. and I’ve never personally felt comfortable with it. I can teach. I can show you positions and share with you my meager experiences as a slave and a submissive, but I can’t put someone through their paces, and sometimes you need that as a sub to figure out what you like and don’t like. … This was a very long comment, sorry sweetie XD
    xoxo
    -Curvy thing

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