It’s interesting why we like pain, both Dominants and submissives. Why is that so? What led us to that point? I’m in a reflective mood today so fair warning: there’s a ramble ahead.
It all started because I was thinking of a new erotic piece to write. Which lead me to thinking about the pieces I have already written about. I don’t want to repeat myself, which is why I try fantastical pieces – gothic or otherwise. But even then, the theme is there: the man / woman is a sadist.
My origins as a sadist began with cutting as a form of arousal. It was early in the experimental stage and it didn’t last long but it happened. A girlfriend of mine did it for me – nothing major, a few nicks while she masturbated for me. It was intense in the moment but not for me personally.
My relationship with pain is an interesting one. I get a certain glee out of seeing my pet enjoy the pain. In each of our sessions, I push her to the edges of her boundaries. What’s over the edge fascinates me. I want more, I want to know. I…want to bruise.
But it goes deeper than that. My sadism is more psychological. I like to taunt, I like to tease. I once spent eight hours edging myself. I was staying at my folk’s house in the middle of a quiet farmland. There was nothing to do and I was single at the time. One thing led to another and by the time I came it was well into the evening and I was sweating and shaking.
But it’s psychological. I like to get into the mind and push. I like to see what’s there and see if the animal can come out to play. My pet knows I like to taunt and she will definitely get bratty at me when she knows I’m drawing out her orgasm. But this only serves to keep me aroused.
But why is this? Why do I like physical and emotional pain as a hard Dominant? Where did all this come from? If you met me in real life, you wouldn’t guess I was Dominant. I’m quiet and introverted. I don’t stand out in a crowd. I like cats, I get teary at the end of Titanic and I don’t mind watching a few musicals in my time off. So where did this come from?
Why do I feel the need to bruise her tits? To leave a mark?
Why do I like tormenting her?
Why do I like leaving the clamps on her till breaking point?
Why do I like to push my pet to that breaking point?
These are things I could talk about all day with you lot but I am going to wrap this up so you aren’t here forever in my head.
I’m sadistic, I don’t know why. I don’t know why it is I have a unique relationship with pain or where that comes from but I’m happy its here because it fills me with a warm feeling like you wouldn’t believe.