On The Sub-drop: From This Dominant’s Perspective

I wrote a post about this  just moments before but upon re-reading it, I was dissatisfied because I think I’ve been careless with my words, so I truly apologise if I have offended anyone by treating such a matter lightly. But I wanted to give it a second shot, if you’ll allow me the chance.

Coming out of a scene, out of that personal, brutal environment back into reality can be quite the contrast. In fact, I can’t begin to imagine what goes through a submissive’s mind. I understand feelings of anxiety and depression but from the perspective of someone who is submissive? I could never comprehend what goes through their mind. But coming out of can  raise all sorts of feelings. And this is what I want to address.

The first thing to remember is that it’s normal. It’s a terrible part of the process that can occur but in no way is this a true reflection of you, your relationship or your world. What you are feeling is a build of adrenaline and cortisol, if I had to guess. I’m going off my own experiences with anxiety here. So, as difficult as it may be to ignore these feelings, remember that you are stronger than you know and that you’ve gone through this before. Though it may not seem that way, whatever you are thinking your partner thinks of you, of who you are, etc – this is a nasty product of what you’ve encountered. Our brains are immensely powerful and have a way of tricking us. Just remember that it’s okay to feel this, that it’s okay to approach your Dominant to talk about it and that it will pass eventually. It feels like absolute hell but it will pass, I promise.

Please don’t feel like you’re bothering your Dominant, please don’t feel guilty for thinking what you know are irrational thoughts. Your Dominant should be there to guide you through the dark, to be there when you feel ready to collapse. To hear every strange and surreal thought that the sub-drop has brought upon you.

When my pet experiences a sub-drop, one of the things that I want to do is open all levels of communications. I like to cuddle. I’m a very cuddle-loving bloke. And in the past, when my pet feels insecure, the best thing that I want to do is cuddle her and listen to her thoughts and fears.  This can be about where our relationship stands, what either of us said in the heat of the moment during our scene or it might go off on a tangent.

“It’s silly..but” she’ll begin and trail off – but I reassure her. It’s not silly. Because it’s important to her. Whatever she has to say, it’s of upmost importance that she feels comfortable enough saying it to me. It’s of upmost importance that she remembers how important she is to me, how I don’t mind the irrational fear.

Having gone though my bouts of anxiety, I hate seeing anyone going through it, especially my love. If I can help, in any way possible, I would do so, so that it can hopefully ease her mind.
If I can’t ease her mind, if the fear and anxiety is too powerful and seems to be staying, I will take care of her until every last drop of cortisol is out of her system and she feels lighter about her world and more like her usual chirpy self.

One thing that I personally like to do is check in on her every now and then to make sure she is feeling okay about where she is in her life, or how she feels about our relationship. If she is unsure how good she is at being my pet, I’ll remind her of how far she has grown as a person, as my student and as my best friend.

On a side note, I like to set up a favourite game we like to play together in our free time – Trivial Pursuit. If I can’t ease her mind and take it away, I’m going to sure as hell try to distract her from the fear.
More recently, I’ve taken to reading novels to her that she picks out. I’ve never done this with anyone before and yet, this is something that I want to do with her – just crawl into bed and read to her with my arm around her and a lowlight to create a warm and magical glow.

It’s easy for your partner to take on the blame, to feel like they are nagging you about these thoughts but I don’t want none any of that because it’s simply not true.

I guess what I am saying is: During sub-drop, it’s my honour and number one priority to guide my pet down to reality and to nurture her until she feels happier and healthier. My goal as a Dominant to care for her and to nurture her through life, before and after our brutal play. It’s a hard thing to describe, my Dominance, but all I can tell you is that her wellbeing is of upmost importance in every way. Just as she is there for you. Doesn’t that just sound absolutely beautiful? This balanced, charged and deep relationship?

6 thoughts on “On The Sub-drop: From This Dominant’s Perspective

  1. I was taken completely by blind-sided the first time I dropped, because it normally doesn’t affect me for 24 hours, after all the chemicals and hormones have left my system, like a junky getting dope-sick lol.
    Chocolate and blankets and British Comedy help as well.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I have described mine as feeling like I was driving 90 mph and suddenly stopped when I crashed into a brick wall. It can be quite overwhelming and stressful. I try and avoid it by keeping open communication before, during and after play. Sir makes sure I know I am ALWAYS his number one priority, desire and love. Hormones and endorphins can either make you fly so high, you can’t see the ground, or they can be a REAL BITCH. Thank you for addressing this tangled mess from a Dominant’s perspective.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It is lovely to hear the sentimental side of your sub-drop perspective. I love how you speak of the importance of communication, I find that the most attractive quality in an M/s or D/s relationship…something rarely found or practiced in a Vanilla one.
    This might be too personal of an inquiry, but if it is alright to ask, what fear(s) that came about during a scene for your pet were you unable to relinquish afterwards?
    Thank you TDD for another great insight on sub-drop.

    ~slave bri


    1. It was more the brutality of things that played with her mind afterwards. That’s the best I can put it in a public space without going to personal in regards with her. I’m very protective like that, for better or for worse

      Liked by 2 people

  4. I wonder why very few dominants touch a more elusive and by far more dangerous, because of its long term implications, altered state of mind and emotions….
    The dom-drop

    It would unrealistic to brush it off just because a dom has, by definition, to be on the top of the situation…always.
    As a sub is flesh and blood, fueled by emotions and dreams, so is a dom, a human being…


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