I wrote a post about this just moments before but upon re-reading it, I was dissatisfied because I think I’ve been careless with my words, so I truly apologise if I have offended anyone by treating such a matter lightly. But I wanted to give it a second shot, if you’ll allow me the chance.
Coming out of a scene, out of that personal, brutal environment back into reality can be quite the contrast. In fact, I can’t begin to imagine what goes through a submissive’s mind. I understand feelings of anxiety and depression but from the perspective of someone who is submissive? I could never comprehend what goes through their mind. But coming out of can raise all sorts of feelings. And this is what I want to address.
The first thing to remember is that it’s normal. It’s a terrible part of the process that can occur but in no way is this a true reflection of you, your relationship or your world. What you are feeling is a build of adrenaline and cortisol, if I had to guess. I’m going off my own experiences with anxiety here. So, as difficult as it may be to ignore these feelings, remember that you are stronger than you know and that you’ve gone through this before. Though it may not seem that way, whatever you are thinking your partner thinks of you, of who you are, etc – this is a nasty product of what you’ve encountered. Our brains are immensely powerful and have a way of tricking us. Just remember that it’s okay to feel this, that it’s okay to approach your Dominant to talk about it and that it will pass eventually. It feels like absolute hell but it will pass, I promise.
Please don’t feel like you’re bothering your Dominant, please don’t feel guilty for thinking what you know are irrational thoughts. Your Dominant should be there to guide you through the dark, to be there when you feel ready to collapse. To hear every strange and surreal thought that the sub-drop has brought upon you.
When my pet experiences a sub-drop, one of the things that I want to do is open all levels of communications. I like to cuddle. I’m a very cuddle-loving bloke. And in the past, when my pet feels insecure, the best thing that I want to do is cuddle her and listen to her thoughts and fears. This can be about where our relationship stands, what either of us said in the heat of the moment during our scene or it might go off on a tangent.
“It’s silly..but” she’ll begin and trail off – but I reassure her. It’s not silly. Because it’s important to her. Whatever she has to say, it’s of upmost importance that she feels comfortable enough saying it to me. It’s of upmost importance that she remembers how important she is to me, how I don’t mind the irrational fear.
Having gone though my bouts of anxiety, I hate seeing anyone going through it, especially my love. If I can help, in any way possible, I would do so, so that it can hopefully ease her mind.
If I can’t ease her mind, if the fear and anxiety is too powerful and seems to be staying, I will take care of her until every last drop of cortisol is out of her system and she feels lighter about her world and more like her usual chirpy self.
One thing that I personally like to do is check in on her every now and then to make sure she is feeling okay about where she is in her life, or how she feels about our relationship. If she is unsure how good she is at being my pet, I’ll remind her of how far she has grown as a person, as my student and as my best friend.
On a side note, I like to set up a favourite game we like to play together in our free time – Trivial Pursuit. If I can’t ease her mind and take it away, I’m going to sure as hell try to distract her from the fear.
More recently, I’ve taken to reading novels to her that she picks out. I’ve never done this with anyone before and yet, this is something that I want to do with her – just crawl into bed and read to her with my arm around her and a lowlight to create a warm and magical glow.
It’s easy for your partner to take on the blame, to feel like they are nagging you about these thoughts but I don’t want none any of that because it’s simply not true.
I guess what I am saying is: During sub-drop, it’s my honour and number one priority to guide my pet down to reality and to nurture her until she feels happier and healthier. My goal as a Dominant to care for her and to nurture her through life, before and after our brutal play. It’s a hard thing to describe, my Dominance, but all I can tell you is that her wellbeing is of upmost importance in every way. Just as she is there for you. Doesn’t that just sound absolutely beautiful? This balanced, charged and deep relationship?