I’ve talked about spotting false dominants, I’ve talked about embracing your sexuality and no longer hiding but what I want to discuss now is taking the plunge with your new partner and learning how to give yourself over to them.
I’ve had my fair share of betrayals in my life. Being a sufferer of anxiety and depression, it unfortunately makes things somewhat difficult to find that line where you can trust again.
You can’t help but carry that baggage into new relationships, especially when they are as powerful as a relationship filled with BDSM or a D/s relationship BUT what you can do is rewire your thought process to trust again.
When the submissive submits to her partner, s/he is accepting they will be guided through the forest. It’s immensely daunting, I know, because you are putting your life and well being in their hands — but taking that step is vital to your health and here’s why: self-growth and development. Maybe you’ve spent most of your adult life wandering aimlessly, well here is your chance to take charge and break free of the baggage.
Just because something bad might’ve happened in the past does not mean it will happen again. If you think that way, you are conditioning yourself to negativity and setting yourself up for failure. Don’t do that, it’s unhealthy and negative thinking and irrational thoughts are most likely just in your head. See them for what they are – the product of an imaginative mind – and let it go.
Communication is the key. If your partner is worth it, they will talk you down from the ledge. They will do their best to ease your mind and make sure you are never feeling that way. But it’s not entirely all up to them: it’s up to you. YOU are the one that has to take that leap of faith.
For those that have had a manipulative and abusive partner, tell yourself out loud that the current person you are with is NOT your ex. I can’t even begin to understand what you’ve been through, I know. But you will gain nothing but giving into the fear, alright? So baby steps. Step through it, work through it – either with a therapist or your partner. There is no shame whatsoever with whatever it is you are feeling. Remember: irrational thoughts and an overactive mindset.
Lastly, take risks. For the love of everything holy, take risks. We are already trapped by a society that tells us this is the wrong way to think so BREAK THE MOULD. Step out of the comfort zone when you are ready. Be free and crazy and wild and live. LIVE, not EXIST.