The Mechanics of Fetlife

A few people have been asking me about how Fetlife operates. What’s it like? What do I do with it when I get there? Is it even worth getting?
I thought I’d take the time to talk a little bit about what it has meant for me and hopefully, this will open up something within yourself.

What’s Fetlife? It’s a social online hang out for people who live BDSM and are interested in the D/s relationship. There are a few places like Fetlife but the appearance of Fetlife and its community make it, if not THE BEST, then one of the best places to safely explore your desires. It’s not about hooking up, although there is that if you desire it.

If you’ve chosen to get Fetlife, the first you’ll want to do is fill out your About Me. Have a think about it – who are you? What are you interested in exploring? Let it become something uniquely you. Don’t go out of your way to impress anyone – to hell with that. You know why? Because you’re unique as you are and if the person is good enough, they’ll see that.

A few hours after signing up, you’ll be greeted with a message from a friendly moderator. It’s not automatic and each moderator has his or her unique voice. Ask them anything and remember: the only silly question is the one not asked.

What about profile pictures? Use whatever you like. Artwork, tantalising quotes, nudes. I have put up nudes of myself as a challenge to my shy nature. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. I want to relish in my sexual awakening. You should to. Experiment with it, flirt with it. But don’t rush it. Take your time. You have nothing but time.

From there, you can join groups. Groups on Fetlife consist of anything from lovers of a distinct fetish coming together or social gatherings in your local area. You’d be surprised at how many social gatherings there are around you. Be open to them but again: take your time.
Groups can be entirely non sexual. You can find groups for gamers and more, just have fun looking around.

If you’re looking for someone, there are local personal ads. It should go without saying to beware of the creeps. It’s mostly a friendly community but creeps do exist, given the subject matter.

Lastly, don’t be overwhelmed. Have fun, explore. Don’t run away from it. It is daunting to see people so open about their kinks and nudity but don’t let that dissuade you, let it wash over you. Try exploring writing – journal your thoughts. It doesn’t have to be an essay or gracefully written. Raw is more beautiful anyway so let your thoughts flow. No one will judge you because everyone on that site is all in it together.

It sounds like I’m tooting the horn of Fetlife. Maybe I am a bit. But it’s helped me and maybe it might just help you.

If you still have any questions, my email is always open. 24/7. And I check it every day or as often as I can. Don’t hesitate. Ever.

20 thoughts on “The Mechanics of Fetlife

      1. I’m very much looking forward to meeting people in real life. Online D/s has grown stale. I’m sure a local munch will do the single submissive just fine.


  1. It is good to hear good things about fetlife… i have loved every quiet funny odd moment in it. it began me on my journey 5 years ago and i have not looked back since. its heavenly anonymous yet strangely personal … it gives so much freedom and lets you wander down streets you’d never normally see.


  2. and may i also please make a comment on your last comment. it truely is an extraordinary world. it is amazing rich in rituals, rules, etiquette, elegant – there is so much beauty in it. But like everything each to their own – for me, it goes hand in hand – without one there is no other – so thank you for that too. Honestly i really must go to bed, its 3.30am


  3. i was thinking of making an account on FetLife, but my sub sister says that it’s not for us. So i didn’t make one. i sort of have ocd where i can’t make good decisions or turn down certain things of a sexual nature, so she told me that it’s dangerous for us. i promised i wouldn’t make an account, but you have me thinking about it again. And i’d make an account right now if i wasn’t afraid of my Sir’s wrath.


    1. I don’t know if being afraid of your Sir’s wrath is healthy. You should strive to be obedient but afraid of his wrath? That seems a bit far. Still, if you have OCD tendencies of a sexual nature, maybe your sub sister is right. In any case, take your time to think it over

      Liked by 1 person

      1. i guess that wrath isn’t the right word, i tend to be joking. Almost everything is funny, i manage to cheer people up by laughing at myself when i’m not lost in thought or in a trance state. i mean that i don’t want to do any of the “D” words: Disappoint, Disobey, or Disrespect my Sir. He was upset with me when i made a new email account, which sort of makes me think i may need permission to make any new accounts anywhere. But there are no specific rules against it.


  4. When I first joined I was excited. Then it got overwhelming with some advances from guys who were too persistent. It ran me away, but after a hiatus I returned. It’s been a good outlet and has allowed me to discover things about myself and it makes me feel less weird and alone. 😊


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s