I suffer depression and anxiety – there, I said it.
I’m not going to jump on a soap box and dance about it, I’m telling you this because what I want to talk about is mental illness in a BDSM world and more importantly, in a D/s relationship.
Why? Because I was that confused person. Because I still struggle with the irrational thoughts that come with the anxiety. I thought maybe if I talk a bit about my experience, maybe it might encourage someone and if I can reach someone, anyone, then that’s good. So I apologise if I sound preachy, I’m just trying to help..
I don’t have any answers, I’m afraid. Your journey is your own and it’s going to be tough but I’m telling you to stick through it because once you’re clear of the storm, it’s a beautiful and bright little world.
I know it’s hard. Sometimes it can be excruciatingly hard to open up, to put that trust in someone. For me, I’ve stumbled in circles trying to let go of my desire to analyse and I think that requires a great deal of mediation. If you can reach that point where you can relax a bit about whatever it is you are worried about with your partner, then you’re on the right track.
Sit down and talk to them about it. Tell them how your mind operates and what you worry about. If they are worth a damn, chances are they won’t give two hoots about what is on your mind – they’ll do anything to ease your mind. If that’s not how it is, if they can’t afford a little patience then I don’t think you should stay in that spot. Mmkay? Please? For this Dominant?
Trust, communication and patience. No matter what you’re affected by, that’s what it takes in any relationship.
I was a nervous and twitchy young man and it’s taken me a great deal of help to break out of that and to let loose who I really am. You can do that too.
the trick is to not give it power. If you let the fear creep in, it will drag you to its depths. It’s easy to let your imagination run wild but try not to. Once you acknowledge it and belittle it, it can’t hurt you. It might be still there and it most definitely might rear its ugly head again but you’ll be stronger and you CAN tear it apart so it doesn’t destroy your life and relationship.
Some have asked me if a relationship while battling depression and/or anxiety is possible – I say yes it is. Hope and believe and practice your meditation. These are useful tools that have helped me.