When to not punish your submissive.

When my dear kitten and I decided to enter into a D/s relationship, it took us both a few steps to adjust into…well, a new life almost.

We actually spent a few months training together, easing into things and finding what works before I literally crack that whip.

It might not come as easily to some, you know? You may be a natural submissive but your speech training…well, that will take time to perfect. How long depends on the individual but re-routing your brain may be no easy task.

The reason I bring this up is because I wanted to talk about the fact that a Dominant shouldn’t punish his or her submissive for making errors. Not in the beginning.

I believe this will just cause resentment later on, no matter how minor the sentencing is. Your submissive feels a great deal of pressure to follow your orders. They are already well aware that if they make a mistake, they might be punished. They could easily live in fear of punishment and that would or could lead to problems down the path later.

Early on in our relationship, I punished my submissive for using profanity in my presence. I spanked her. It was a reaction within myself at that point in time and as a learning Dominant, this was a big NO. Why? Because later, my submissive voiced to me that she was quite afraid of making a mistake.

Me? I was mortified. I don’t want anyone to live in fear, most of all this beautiful human being. So I apologise deeply. Admit my wrong doing and talk about why I felt she needed a punishment and how – together – we can curb her negative behaviours.

Always keep in mind that your submissive is always learning and always human. They are not robots and maybe will forget to do a task or forget their training one particular day – for whatever reason. Maybe they have a headache, are anxious about work, worried about paying the latest bill.

I think it’s important, as a Dominant, to know when to punish your submissive and when to just be humane and talk to them about it. Or be gentle with them. Being fierce is fine and dandy to an extent. But if they forget, gently remind them, let them know.

Trust me: the softer approach works wonders and is smoother for both parties. The rougher side may lead to fear and distrust and you don’t want that.

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6 thoughts on “When to not punish your submissive.

  1. Thank You, Sir, for posting this. i just recently received my first punishment for forgetting to ask my Daddy to put my collar on me before bed. i wholeheartedly accepted the punishment because i made the mistake, however, i am now very afraid of making another one because of the way i felt after receiving the punishment. i beat myself up for the infraction for a long time. When Your sub mentioned her concerns…what advice did you give her? If You don’t mind me asking, Sir.

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    1. I don’t mind you asking at all. I encourage you to do so at any point, if you ever have something you wish to discuss. When she came to me and told me that events had been wrecking havoc on her mind, I told her that in future, if she forgot to address me or whatever else, I would gently remind her and would not punish her because – I don’t know about the psyche of other submissive’s but she would dwell on it for days and for me, that’s just heartbreaking.

      If it happens a number of times after correcting her, that might be a different story. But usually when she realises she forgot after I remind her, her face will sink and her eyes will have fear in them and in that moment, I’d rather comfort then punish her. I hope this helps. Don’t hesitate in future. Or if you want to vent about this further!

      – TD&D

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Thank you for the post. One of the most important blocks in a D/s relationship is trust. If you are afraid of your Dominant, or what he might do if you make a mistake, the trust is absent and I don’t think the relationship will ever work. It seemed like you did the exact right thing when you realized her fear and reassured her. Dominants make mistakes, just like submissives and they both need to remember to love the other through it.

    Liked by 1 person

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