When my dear kitten and I decided to enter into a D/s relationship, it took us both a few steps to adjust into…well, a new life almost.
We actually spent a few months training together, easing into things and finding what works before I literally crack that whip.
It might not come as easily to some, you know? You may be a natural submissive but your speech training…well, that will take time to perfect. How long depends on the individual but re-routing your brain may be no easy task.
The reason I bring this up is because I wanted to talk about the fact that a Dominant shouldn’t punish his or her submissive for making errors. Not in the beginning.
I believe this will just cause resentment later on, no matter how minor the sentencing is. Your submissive feels a great deal of pressure to follow your orders. They are already well aware that if they make a mistake, they might be punished. They could easily live in fear of punishment and that would or could lead to problems down the path later.
Early on in our relationship, I punished my submissive for using profanity in my presence. I spanked her. It was a reaction within myself at that point in time and as a learning Dominant, this was a big NO. Why? Because later, my submissive voiced to me that she was quite afraid of making a mistake.
Me? I was mortified. I don’t want anyone to live in fear, most of all this beautiful human being. So I apologise deeply. Admit my wrong doing and talk about why I felt she needed a punishment and how – together – we can curb her negative behaviours.
Always keep in mind that your submissive is always learning and always human. They are not robots and maybe will forget to do a task or forget their training one particular day – for whatever reason. Maybe they have a headache, are anxious about work, worried about paying the latest bill.
I think it’s important, as a Dominant, to know when to punish your submissive and when to just be humane and talk to them about it. Or be gentle with them. Being fierce is fine and dandy to an extent. But if they forget, gently remind them, let them know.
Trust me: the softer approach works wonders and is smoother for both parties. The rougher side may lead to fear and distrust and you don’t want that.