If the whole point of the role is for him – or her – to be charge, how do submissive’s new to the BDSM and/or the D/s relationship world know the difference between a healthy Dominant and perhaps an unstable one?
First off, if he’s failing to take care of your wellbeing, physically and emotionally, that’s a big warning sign right there. Dominants dominate — to a point. The planning and acting out of every little detail in a BDSM or D/s environment take more care because you are dealing with something far more delicate and exposed – the raw part of someone else’s mind. You will have to constantly think how this will affect your submissive and in what way? If it’s in a negative way, if it doesn’t serve a positive purpose, then you’re doing it wrong. It’s a delicate balance. The false dominant doesn’t care about this, only his sexual release. He’ll use what this soulful vessel that is the submissive’s body and use it for his own personal gain, either unaware of the possible damage it may do or just not caring.
The Dominant is your teacher, your lover and your friend. If he is not guiding you, taking care of your body or is not interested in how you are feeling or what you are thinking then he’s not the true Dominant you want. You don’t want that person, that negative influence in your life.
So if you’re new to the lifestyle, consider this: Is your Dominant asking how you feel about everything he puts forth? Are they making you feel safe and secure, with your own safe word, at all times? Are they interested in your emotional wellbeing or how you feel about the experiments and explorations he puts on the table? Because if he doesn’t do those things, if he doesn’t take care of your heart and soul, as you’ve either given to him, then he is not really worth it, is he?