Anxiety in a D/s relationship

Facing anxiety in a D/s relationship or just in the BDSM environment is not as uncommon as you may think. Here you are, standing on that proverbial cliffside and staring into the darkness of the night and of your soul. You are going to jump into some of the darkest places you might go and you’re uncertain of where that might lead you to. Hell, some of us have been avoiding this darkness for the better part of our lives out of this anxiety.

But the real darkness…is that anxiety. That’s the plot twist here. Sure, you have to jump in to get through it but I haven’t met a person from that other side that didn’t feel alive and liberated. Anxiety is the only thing stopping you from trusting your partner and your own instincts. So jump.

Easier said than done, I know this. I’ve been teetering on the edge myself for the better part of my twenties, don’t you do the same.

I wanted to talk about this because even when you take that jump and continue onwards by yourself or with a partner – when you identify with your particular role, Anxiety might be whispering in your ear when you are either ordering your submissive or you are trying to obey your Dominant. To fully lose control of yourself and place that trust in your Dominant, that is frightening. But don’t let yourself be paralysed by that fear.

Instead, acknowledge your concerns. Sit with it. Whatever you are worried about, sit down with it and put the light on it. It won’t have its power if you acknowledge it and move on. If you say to yourself “I hear you but that’s all I am going to do”, it might ease your anxiety. It worked for me.

Nevertheless, talk with your partner. If they are remotely worth your time, they will be gentle and listen to your concerns and guide you through them. You’re not alone, there are folks like you out here – myself included.

But don’t let the anxiety win out on the decision on whether you want this – whatever it is you are afraid of – being tied up, being flogged, taking pictures of yourself (tasteful pictures, might I add, only because I feel that’s the only way to boost your submissive’s confidence) then make a pact with yourself to see that activity through. It’s scary, yes, but you will be absolutely fine.


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