I’m a sadistic Dominant. This much I’ve learnt in my journey. It’s taken me years to admit to myself and grow confident in my nature – my TRUE nature – but I am finally here.
When I was 17, I held a Dominating power over a then-girlfriend. I made her masturbate on her parents bed…and when she was done, I made damn sure her delicious cream was rubbed right into the fabric.
Back then, I was a kid who was experimenting so the gentleness I have now was, if not lost on me, then ignored. Because my belief now is that – well, to get geeky, with great power comes great responsibility, no?
But looking back, it appears there has always been that sadistic streak in me. Talking about my journey the other day on becoming a Dominant, it made me think about my sadism and I really wanted to explore it with all the beautiful people that follow me.
There is a nastiness to me that appears to me sometimes. It wants to push boundaries and make people uncomfortable. It manifests in two ways: I like to fuck with people’s minds. A slow delicious build up that gets the both of us hot, but with me always in control. And then I like to turn this into pushing people in an unpredictable environment BUT with an exit strategy should there ever be discomfort.
A part of this extends to Orgasm Denial. I can edge for a few hours. I think somewhere along the line I built up and practiced that feature — but my submissive cannot. Watching her squirm and beg and get nasty all over the one thing — release — is quite appealing to me.
Another time, I want to send her off to work in her shortest dress, just because I enjoy the thought of her squirming and trying to work around not flashing anyone. I wanted to see if she could struggle that successfully. I know I have sent her to work without panties and in a short dress in the past, just grinning evilly at the thought of her exposing herself – that the world might see but definitely couldn’t touch. (I have mentioned my possessiveness, yes?)
Other times, I might start fondling her while she’s driving. Or when she’s on the phone to her mother, I’ll start kissing down her delicious thighs. Or maybe, just maybe, I’ll start stroking her treasure while people are over and in the next room.
I can’t explain why I am sadistic. Can anyone? What is it in our brains that just want that cruelty? What is it that makes me oh so hard at the thought of pushing her in that direction?
Dear lord, is it intoxicating…