The Shy, The Curious and the BDSM Relationship

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I’ve talked a bit about exploring the BDSM relationship with your partner but recently, I was approached by a shy reader (Thank you for approaching me in the first place) asking just how do they go about finding a relationship in which a D/s relationship and BDSM are explored.

Truth is, BDSM and a D/s relationship first needs to be built upon the general relationship established between two people who have great affection for each other.

But how do you even begin doing that if you’re shy and socially awkward? To be honest, that’s a question I’m pondering myself. TV and Movies paint a fantastic picture of going out, finding that special someone and I think the first step you need to do is ignore all that – that’s probably not going to happen, especially if you are awkward.

So how do you meet someone that’s into the same thing you are? That’s sort of tricky. And something you have to be REALLY CAREFUL of because there are a lot of scumbags out there that could exploit your naivety to whats right and wrong and whats emotional abuse and what is not.

The Internet has made it easier to communicate but is that really what you want? Can I persuade you into seeking something local? Something a little bit away from the machines that dominate our lives? Suss it out on the net, you never know, you might find something. I just googled the area I’m in and I found something. But if you’re in a dead end town..well, don’t give up hope. We are animals, there’s bound to be something.

If there’s not though, A website I recommend highly is Fetlife. Think of it as Facebook for kinky folk. You can set out personal ads if you want to – you can search the area for people you’d like to connect with and I believe they hold little local social gatherings if that’s what you want to do. The time I’ve spent there, I’ve seen nothing but a nice little community that was just like me – a little lost and needing help. It’s definitely a platform to vent on if you don’t have anyone to rely on.

Shyness is something you’d have to work on in your own time. Put yourself out there in the world. Practice talking to people at the check out in the grocery store, practice in front of the mirror. Remember everyone is lost in their own world and worrying about their own problems. What you are worrying about generally isn’t worrying about in the first place. Easier done than said I know, but try believing in yourself. For me?

Ultimately, it really depends on what you’re looking for. If it’s kink in the bedroom, I am sure most partners would be into that. If it’s a lifestyle you want, that may take a little more searching. And time. And patience. Don’t rush it, don’t settle. Let things play out organically, you’ll be surprised.

But patience is what you need. It will come to you. This I swear.

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11 thoughts on “The Shy, The Curious and the BDSM Relationship

  1. Such wisdom! I take for granted how difficult it would be for me to meet someone or even think about approaching a kink relationship. Thank you.

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    1. I know what you mean. I was lucky. I’ve been in the right place, known the right people at the right time. I don’t have all the answers and I don’t know how much social scenes have changed in a few years but I hope this can help someone – anyone.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m really working on it. It’s so deep others never really knew I was hiding. Protection I guess. But I’ve been stripping away that armor for over a year now and it’s LOVELY to feel the wind in my soul.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Great post! I so agree with you. I was lucky that both my MD and DD found me. I knew I had a kinky side that the husband did not to explore. Or was stupid not to. Both Doms brought it out. And has made me see how dominate I can be myself

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  3. I can recommend FetLife, as well, with words of caution, but tell you that you have a more probable success there, than doing nothing at all.

    I joined 3 years ago, after researching whether I really wanted this lifestyle and I’ve met great people, go to a fun and informative munch every month, and for a year, had a very competent Top. Be cautious and patient about just diving into everything at once, with just anyone. A worthy person will take their time with you.

    At the same time, don’t close yourself off to other opportunities. My Sir found me in the games of an erotica writing and roleplaying site, the only one to ever inspire my total submission in the years I have been into this lifestyle.

    Great post. 🙂

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  4. Reading this particular blog has been super helpful! For the last couple of years I’ve been looking for a way to connect with people of similar interests but had no idea of where to go without encountering someone I went to school with or knows my family/friends intimately. Posting the name of the website that you feel is useful is definitely helpful to me.

    Liked by 1 person

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