Detox and Aftercare in the D/s relationship

I can go for weeks in my role as a Dominant. To get lost in the role is a marvellous experience, unrivalled for me, of this I am certain.

But for the love of God, don’t get lost in the woods. You don’t have a map, none of us do. You might not get out so don’t venture too far. Always remember your steps for the time where you will emerge back into your vanilla lifestyle, which I think is a useful balance to maintain. Everything needs order, why is your life any different?

Yes, punishing your partner, slipping into your roles and staying in there for a lengthy amount of time transcends you high into the air and it’s great to soar. But remember the old tale – soar to close to the sun and you’ll get burnt.

It’s important to float back down to Earth and remind yourself of who you are. Buy your partner flowers. Take them on a date. Hell, go to the shopping centre and walk around people watch. Do whatever it is you do that reminds you of how much you love this person.

Because I don’t know about you but sometimes when I’m in the role – and I’ve been very active the past 5 days interestingly enough – it can be exhausting. More than that, you don’t want to burn out there. More than THAT, you don’t want to lose the spark. You run the risk of losing that in any relationship no matter who you are but because the D/s relationship takes far greater care than the regular relationship, given the extent to which we bare our souls, we need to make sure it is being taken care of like a prized possession.

Because you might be in a savage mindset, it’s important to step out of it and take a break out of role. Dominant Ones, make sure the mind set of your submissive is in a good place. For all the savage acts you might do together, make sure you give her the necessary time to detox and float back down to Earth as well.

Look after each other’s minds and bodies and you’ll do fine. After that, it’s just rinse and repeat.


20 thoughts on “Detox and Aftercare in the D/s relationship

  1. Beautifully thought out. I’ve read a few posts now, and I only have one suggestion since everything else I’ve seen is gold.

    “Inside the mind… of a dominant male…”
    It has a taste, a flavour, it’s delicious…the words, that is. In my humble(ish) opinion.



    1. I like it. I am going to use it as my sub title. I have been meaning to rewrite it actually. The life of a writer: Constant rewrite. I have a deal though – I’ll change it if you comment more on my stuff. I don’t mean to force your hand, I just think those words that you’ve put here paint a picture of a person whose thoughts I want to hear more of. Deal?

      Liked by 1 person

  2. *head nodding* as I read this post. Good point…I so enjoy the intensity and deep connection when our D/s roles are full on for days. And then I feel saddened when it wanes for a while…but you are right. The breaks restore balance, let us rest, and allow the passions build again for the next phase of intensity. Thank you for sharing this.


  3. Just make sure that the down is soft and gradual. Recently, after an intense weekend, I experienced a serious case of “Sub Drop”. It was one of the most unsettling experiences I have ever had. Sir and I learned a lot from that weekend, and I hope that it won’t happen that hard again. Thank you for the reminders.


  4. As much as i hate breaks from being in the submissive mindset, i do feel it is necessary at times to just breathe. Being submissive comes naturally to me but it can consume me and i feel lost. Great post. It’s nice to read from a Dominant male pov. Thanks for sharing.


  5. Excellent advice and a good reminder. It’s forgotten often, that both people come down, not just one or the other.

    Thank you so much for writing and posting this.


  6. Excellent posting, and this helps me to care for my M-type as well. I tend to experience pretty severe subdrop and so I have my own rituals for self care as well as his after care for me. And despite many years as a Dom and Master, neither of us were prepared for his version, Domdrop I guess. I think I’ll show him this of you don’t mind?


      1. Thank you so much. We feel much the same, my Master has been formally trained and in the lifestyle for years, and it is his philosophy that we never stop growing and learning, and it is our responsibility to maintain safety and levelheadedness in the community.


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