This Is Where The Journey Begins

black-and-white-bondage-submissive-bdsm-couple-submission-oral-sex-blow-job

Consider this an extension of one of my earlier entries, The First Steps Into The NightI like to talk and I often repeat things so be kind, let me know if I am retreading old material. I just like to write.

Stepping into this world can be quite daunting. Where do you even begin? How do you act? How do you even establish rules? Is what I’m thinking too much? Will my partner and I ever be on the same page? THIS ALL SEEMS SO OVERWHELMING.

Stop. Breathe. Relax.

If you are new to this, consider this analogy: The world of BDSM is like slowly getting into a pool: it might be cold but take one step at a time because when you’re in there, it’s actually warm and inviting and you won’t want to get out.

What you need to remember is that there’s so much to this world but what what works for others might not work for you so experiment. If you like choking, try it. If you like being flogged, try it. Open the doors and dip the toe into the pool and the ideas will flow. Better yet, Don’t. BE. AFRAID. You’ll have a lot of emotions swirling around you, you might feel like a sicko but you’re healthy, this I swear to you.

My first advice to you would be to consider to what extent are you interested in BDSM?  Do you just want this during sex in the bedroom? Or does this extend to a D/s relationship? Let me explain a little: BDSM is the sexual activity, the D/s relationship is something else entirely – something that can be entirely non sexual and feature interactions between a Dominant and a submissive. If your interest is in the former, research what acts you want to incorporate and for the love of God, practice safety. Always practice safety. This extends to caring for the emotional well being as well.

If you’re thinking you want certain aspects outside of the bedroom, you may find you are seeking a D/s relationship. Whether you lead or follow, a D/s relationship is about love, respect and taking care of each other. The way it works for others may not be the way it works for you, so bend it to how you see fit.

A book I found extremely useful is this — Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns. It’s a phenomenal book that details everything you might be wondering about, complete with tutorials on binding, safety in BDSM, and what makes up a D/s relationship. Consider this book if you want to try things in the bedroom or if you find yourself tumbling deeper into the rabbit hole though. This is for the folk that want to go deeper, warts and all. For the other folk, start off light.

Remember to communicate at every turn. You and your partner need to discuss what works for the both of you. At every turn. Whether it be about talking dirty, whether it be about blindfolds or whether it be about dark fantasies. Communicate at every turn and be honest.

Don’t think about what the media is portraying to you. Read my post BDSM and Fifty Shades of Grey for more on this. Christian Grey shouldn’t be your idea of a Dominant. That man is guy with a few screws loose that happens to like blindfolding and teasing the fuck out of his submissive with little to no regard. The world goes deeper than that – it’s more tender and loving. Don’t set out to capture what the movies tell you, research with your partner and look at some raw and real evidence. They are way more sexier.

Know your limits. Physical and emotional. Explore them with your partner but make sure you are not being exploited in any way, shape or form. Be careful about this one. Make sure you and your partner are on the same page by discussing to what extent you like what you two are about to do. Your mental well being is just as important as everything else.

Of course, the beauty of an opinion is that everyone has different methods – so I encourage newcomers to look through the world and make up their own mind about what approach best suits them. The key ingredient here, though, is never. Ever. SETTLE. I mean it, man. Knock the hell off will you? Pursue your desires and hopes and fantasies into the uncomforted zone. If that leads away from your partner, as in, he/she isn’t interested in what you want to achieve and the end result is that this is nagging at you in the dead of the night, then maybe that’s an uncomfortable truth you have to face. But don’t you dare settle. Some people spend a great deal of their life settling before they gain the courage. Be courageous, I believe in you.

Look, if you are daunted by the process, tap into your strength, don’t be afraid and give into your darkness. You might find you are in for one hell of a ride.

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8 thoughts on “This Is Where The Journey Begins

  1. So agree! I’m new to the DD/lg BDSM life style. I want to try everything in time. I love spankings! But last time Daddy did it, it hurt too much. I think I was in too much of an emotional state. But more people should give in to their dark side!
    😈

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Daddy is really good to me. He saw tears in my eyes ( even though I didn’t say anything to him) and he stopped. He knew. But yes, communication, caution, and fun!

        Like

  2. Very comprehensive post for those who are new and feel drawn to D/s and BDSM. Should be required reading for anyone considering the lifestyle after either reading or seeing 50 Shades. LOVE the photo, too!

    Like

  3. Let me start by saying I agree with Shalom…LOVED THE PHOTO!!! But more than that…I agree with this SO MUCH. Sometimes it is our darker desires that lead us to the truth of who/what we are. In the beginning I was afraid of my primal/feline needs and was afraid to give into them for fear of what others would think…now, now I say “whatever” and embrace this is what I need and as long as we are both in agreement and practice SSC….there is nothing wrong with it.

    Like

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