When I first took my submissive under my wing, she was brand-spanking-new to the lifestyle. We underwent a lengthy training session each Saturday and Sunday (her days off from a business schedule) where we practiced what should be the basics in any healthy D/s relationship – the safe word, speech training, the reaffirmation of her individuality – which I believe is important for the relationship but I also think Mad Max is a great action movie and some may not, get my drift?
Now the healthy principles that should make up the standard D/s relationship should go without saying of course, but more often than not, how many of you newcomers are a little bit confused about regulations and how to enforce them? I was once where you were standing. We’ve all got to start somewhere. Be you Dominant and just starting to learn or a submissive looking for pointers – I want to go through some of my household rules that may be of interest to you. Hopefully you will go on to shape these rules to your own specific relationship.
If I am unsure, I will ask. I will not be punished for not understanding.
This one is key. We’re all learning. All the time. And you know what, we are all creatures of habit, so some of us aren’t going to take to the training as quickly as some submissive’s might. For the Dom that may be reading out there, be patient. She wants to learn and please you and I bet your bottom dollar she is scared of being punished for making a mistake. So comfort her, be kind to her. She submitted to you for her protection. Protect her.
Though I may be submissive to Him, I am in fact His equal. If I feel that I am being treated unfairly physically or emotionally, I will let Him know IMMEDIATELY.
Again, this one can be shaped to the specific relationship but I feel like the landscape of the D/s relationship can be a portal for emotional abuse. Say a submissive submits to a Dom that doesn’t really know what he’s doing. God forbid she thinks normalcy is him taking advantage of her at every point. How that goes depends entirely on the psyche of the specific man. Ladies, always know your man. I’m not trying to be preachy, I’ve seen this happen more times than I care for and I am deeply invested in a submissive’s wellbeing. Which brings me to my next point.
I understand that in this relationship, my needs come before His wants
This one right here. Her needs come before his wants. Reading it, it sounds so simple and yet it might take a lot to practise. Yes, your Dom may claim ownership and instruct on you a regular basis but not without your input — NEVER without your input. Your comfort comes before his and always should. No matter that animal magnetism you may feel towards him, try and remember this. You are his equal.
If I am too ill, tasks and activities may be postponed until further notice.
This one is important to me because at the end of the day, primal beings we may be but we are still human. We still have messy emotions and there will most likely come a time where one of us feels like death and simply cannot maintain role. I think this is more than fine. You can’t help catching a virus and think about it, the body breaks down with some of the nastier strains. One submissive might even feel anxious because for all the effort the body is doing to fight the virus, it may not have the resources to stop the anxious thoughts. In these times, be the understanding Dominant. Be there for her.
I will be completely honest with Him and I can expect Him to do the same with me.
Always. Always always ALWAYS practice complete and utter honesty. The D/s relationship takes more focus and communication because of the deeper connection there between the two roles. Things that aren’t open for discussion for the vanilla folk that are afraid to take those steps are open to us and thus, we have to take great care in making things as beautiful as they can possibly be. Especially when we are dealing he delicacy of the submissive’s soul.
These are only but five examples of Household Rules. There are more, much more. If such a topic is of interest to readers, I’ll be more than happy to go through them at a later time. As such, I know how busy life can be and how we might not always have time for grand comments so for the time being, this is all there is!