Household Rules in the DOMINANT/submissive lifestyle

When I first took my submissive under my wing, she was brand-spanking-new to the lifestyle. We underwent a lengthy training session each Saturday and Sunday (her days off from a business schedule) where we practiced what should be the basics in any healthy D/s relationship – the safe word, speech training, the reaffirmation of her individuality – which I believe is important for the relationship but I also think Mad Max is a great action movie and some may not, get my drift?

Now the healthy principles that should make up the standard D/s relationship should go without saying of course, but more often than not, how many of you newcomers are a little bit confused about regulations and how to enforce them? I was once where you were standing. We’ve all got to start somewhere. Be you Dominant and just starting to learn or a submissive looking for pointers – I want to go through some of my household rules that may be of interest to you. Hopefully you will go on to shape these rules to your own specific relationship.

If I am unsure, I will ask. I will not be punished for not understanding.

This one is key. We’re all learning. All the time. And you know what, we are all creatures of habit, so some of us aren’t going to take to the training as quickly as some submissive’s might. For the Dom that may be reading out there, be patient. She wants to learn and please you and I bet your bottom dollar she is scared of being punished for making a mistake. So comfort her, be kind to her. She submitted to you for her protection. Protect her.

Though I may be submissive to Him, I am in fact His equal. If I feel that I am being treated unfairly physically or emotionally, I will let Him know IMMEDIATELY.

Again, this one can be shaped to the specific relationship but I feel like the landscape of the D/s relationship can be a portal for emotional abuse. Say a submissive submits to a Dom that doesn’t really know what he’s doing. God forbid she thinks normalcy is him taking advantage of her at every point. How that goes depends entirely on the psyche of the specific man. Ladies, always know your man. I’m not trying to be preachy, I’ve seen this happen more times than I care for and I am deeply invested in a submissive’s wellbeing. Which brings me to my next point.

I understand that in this relationship, my needs come before His wants

This one right here. Her needs come before his wants. Reading it, it sounds so simple and yet it might take a lot to practise. Yes, your Dom may claim ownership and instruct on you a regular basis but not without your input — NEVER without your input. Your comfort comes before his and always should. No matter that animal magnetism you may feel towards him, try and remember this. You are his equal.

If I am too ill, tasks and activities may be postponed until further notice.

This one is important to me because at the end of the day, primal beings we may be but we are still human. We still have messy emotions and there will most likely come a time where one of us feels like death and simply cannot maintain role. I think this is more than fine. You can’t help catching a virus and think about it, the body breaks down with some of the nastier strains. One submissive might even feel anxious because for all the effort the body is doing to fight the virus, it may not have the resources to stop the anxious thoughts. In these times, be the understanding Dominant. Be there for her.

I will be completely honest with Him and I can expect Him to do the same with me.

Always. Always always ALWAYS practice complete and utter honesty. The D/s relationship takes more focus and communication because of the deeper connection there between the two roles. Things that aren’t open for discussion for the vanilla folk that are afraid to take those steps are open to us and thus, we have to take great care in making things as beautiful as they can possibly be. Especially when we are dealing he delicacy of the submissive’s soul.

 

These are only but five examples of Household Rules. There are more, much more. If such a topic is of interest to readers, I’ll be more than happy to go through them at a later time. As such, I know how busy life can be and how we might not always have time for grand comments so for the time being, this is all there is!

 

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17 thoughts on “Household Rules in the DOMINANT/submissive lifestyle

  1. I appreciate the care and concern you show for the role of a submissive. Your suggestions make our ability to release ourselves into the control of our Dominate so much easier and more fulfilling. Thank you for your insightful words, Sir.

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  2. hello! I am moved by your writing and how you express yourself as a Dominant. Thank you for writing! I am somewhat new to being a baby girl and would be so grateful to have someone to connect with regarding living this lifestyle. I want to become a beautifully submissive baby girl to an enlightened Daddy. Thanks for sharing your experience here. I crave a Daddy who will set rules as loving and clear as you have done.

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    1. Thankyou oh so very much, miss. Im glad you have connected with my words. I am certain that in time you will be a wonderful baby girl, just remember to take care of your emotional wellbeing as well.

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  3. I am very very very new to this world, In fact I’m on;ly just starting to research what it is tonight. I have been dating this girl for about a month and today she told me that she is a “switch” and started to explain what that means. She is telling me i don’t have to change and blah blah blah, I’m sure you understand. I want to better understand this so i can do more to please her and keep her. I have read that more often than not when one partner is in this lifestyle and the other not, the relationship fails. I wish to keep her so if I can get some help in what to do and not to do, that would be great, and highly appreciated…..

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  4. Hmmm…. I was honestly hoping for something a little more helpful. I’m trying to research what i can, such as proper etiquette, do’s and don’t’s, what to expect, what’s expected of me…. I know I should really talk to her about this, but I also need to get information from more than just her…. like what is expected at a “group meeting” there’s some word she used but I can’t remember. She said there is all kinds of rules and I just don’t want to be the douchebag that offends everyone and doesn’t even know why…. or she’s a brat/babygurl/switch and I’m just getting overwhelmed with all that’s out there and conflicting…. can someone recommend the best sites to research? Thanks

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    1. Okay, well, you mentioned she’s a switch, right? So where does that take you? Are you her Dominant or her submissive? Or are you just outside of that and this is something you two (or rather, she) dabbles in?

      Depending on what you answer, the etiquette changes. Beyond that, first and foremost I would say in a group scenario, be polite in your wording. More experienced members are kind to newcomers, you’ll find. So don’t be shy. There’s not a wrong answer or question.

      What’s expected at a group meeting depends on the group, and whether it is sociable or sexual or even both. That I cannot help you with, as I don’t attend those. I would recommend being yourself. Your newness will show anyway so don’t fret. We all go there.

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      1. Yes she has told me the classification( I guess) of what she relates with…. I am neither dominate nor submissive, and I can tell when we have sex, she gets hers, but I knew something was missing. I didn’t know exactly what, until now… when I told her I was willing to learn and to try but I mean there are just some things I cannot see myself doing and although I have told her and she claims to understand and it’s ok…. I am just trying my best. Accepting it is no problem, but jumping in head first, I will be honest frightens me. I never thought of myself as part of this world and I don’t understand a lot of it still, and I just want to try to do this for her

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      2. Well, the thing to do is to not force things upon yourself, but in the same time experiment. Don’t jump in. Just dip your toe in. If she cares about you, she will understand you wanting to take it slow. What you feel, that fear of it all, is normal. Natural even. When I started on my own journey, I was scared shitless of the things I was interested in. But for me, that went away with time, and it might with you as well.

        Experiment with feelings and sensations. Maybe with sexuality. Things are fluid and too can find new feeling in new experiences.

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      3. Thanks, I appreciate the encouraging words…. there is just so much and honestly some of these sites are conflicting with each other, I’m started to get frustrated…. I feel lost trying to decipher the truth from the b/s and with as ignorant as I am to this world I’m having a hard time. could you please recommend a good reference site? That would be amazing but if not thanks anyway

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      4. Some of these sites conflict because everyone has a different viewpoint because of their own personal journey. It’s scary and it’s a dark forest but hopefully in time you can learn more and feel like you have a grasp on some of the key concepts yourself.

        I would start with a couple of books. Screw the roses, give me the thorns is an excellent unbiased title that you can order online. It’s informative, easy going and doesn’t feel elitist like I know some places can.

        Other than that, I’d say SM101 is another good book, but be warned the author is very much ‘this is the way or it’s the highway’. He’s not as accepting to things outside his circle or comprehension of what he considers BDSM.

        Beyond that, I’m here to talk. I have Skype, Kik and Fetlife (a social BDSM site). So if you want to talk more privately about feelings that terrify you or anything at all, there’s no judgement with me. I’ve been to some dark places, there’s nothing you could add that would surprise me.

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